Motherhood feels like stepping into a role I’ve been preparing for my whole life — though not in the ways I expected. Caring for my parents taught me lessons I could never have learned in books, workshops, or even my years of international development work. Lessons in patience, advocacy, problem-solving, emotional resilience — all of which are now shaping how I imagine raising a child on my own.

Early Lessons from My Parents

From the moment my brother was born, my parents hoped for a daughter. In their minds, a girl would stay loyal to the family and care for them in the future. Whether or not that was fair, their belief set the stage for my early immersion in caregiving.

During my high school years, I accompanied my dad to every doctor’s appointment. At the time, it seemed routine, even mundane — an extension of being a dutiful daughter. But those experiences became invaluable once dementia entered the picture. By the time I began caring for him in 2014, I already had a mental library of his medical history, which made advocating for him far less intimidating.

Mini Anecdote: I still remember the time I had to explain to a nurse why Dad’s “favorite chair” was now off-limits — he would wander and almost trip over it. I felt like a diplomat negotiating international boundaries… in my living room.

The Reality of Caregiving in My 30s

In my early 30s, I was still figuring out who I was — traveling, working, chasing ambitions, and still wanting to have fun. Suddenly, I was coordinating emergency food assistance in Burma one week and making sure my dad didn’t wander off the next. Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe it.

It took time, trial and error, and a lot of emotional energy to find my rhythm. Support groups became my lifeline, offering both guidance and validation. Slowly, I pulled together a care team, developed daily routines, and filled his schedule with activities to keep his mind active and his spirits high. I learned that caregiving is as much about creativity and problem-solving as it is about patience and compassion.

Mini Anecdote: I once spent half an hour trying to convince Dad that the same TV show wasn’t actually a repeat — his memory was fading, but my dramatic storytelling skills were improving.

Skills I Couldn’t Have Learned Anywhere Else

• Patience: Waiting through medical appointments, repeated questions, and fluctuating moods teaches you more about calm endurance than any meditation app ever could.
  
• Advocacy: Standing up for a loved one, navigating complex healthcare systems, and making sure their voice is heard, even when they can’t speak for themselves.
  
• Problem-solving: From arranging emergency food deliveries abroad to keeping a loved one with dementia engaged at home, I learned to improvise and think strategically.
  
• Emotional resilience: Caregiving is a rollercoaster of exhaustion, frustration, and love — it strengthens your capacity to hold space for others while managing your own emotional needs.
  
• Discovering my secret power: One of the most surprising things I realized while caring for my father was that I’m actually a wonderful caregiver. I had always thought I was “good at a lot of things” but never excelled at anything in particular. Full-time caregiving revealed a hidden strength — a capacity for love, patience, and advocacy that I now recognize as one of my secret powers in life.
  

Carrying Caregiving Lessons into Motherhood

All these lessons are now quietly shaping the mother I hope to be. I understand the importance of routines and structure, but also the need to be flexible. I’ve learned to advocate not just for my child’s needs, but for my own, so I can model self-care as well as compassion.

When it came time to start caring for my mother, I was already a pro in the eldercare field. This time, I had a second pair of hands — my brother, whose children were old enough to allow him to contribute. With my caregiving roadmap and his support, we have been successful in managing her dialysis appointments, keeping her diabetes under control, and finding ways to keep her engaged as her dementia worsens.

Mini Anecdote: Some days, coaxing Mom to eat is like negotiating a peace treaty — sometimes it involves bribery with strawberry ice cream, other times gentle persuasion and patience. My brother and I have gotten creative, and we laugh when a small victory feels like a major win.

One lesson I will carry into being a single mother by choice is the importance of asking for help and building a strong support system. Just as I relied on resources, support groups, and my brother’s help for my mother, I know that motherhood will require leaning on trusted friends, family, and community — and that doing so is not a sign of weakness, but of love and wisdom.

Motherhood will come with its own challenges, but I step into it with the confidence that comes from having navigated uncertainty before. Caregiving has taught me that love is active, patience is a skill, and advocacy is a daily practice — qualities I hope to pass on to my child, just as they were passed down to me.

Reflection

Looking back, I realize that the path I walked with my parents — sometimes exhausting, sometimes heart-wrenching, always transformative — prepared me in ways I could never have planned. As I anticipate the journey of motherhood, I carry with me the skills, the resilience, and above all, the love that was cultivated in the most unexpected classrooms: my family’s home, the doctor’s office, and the quiet moments between crises.

Motherhood isn’t just about bringing life into the world. It’s about bringing your whole self — patience, advocacy, love, and yes, the secret powers and support networks you uncover along the way — to a new chapter, ready to face uncertainty with the confidence of lessons learned long before the baby arrives.